Your first story looks good. One thing I can think of that might better your overall storybook would be to add a picture you found of a random kingdom in google images. While it's a random kingdom, it can still give a nice depiction of the kingdom for the viewer. That way instead of having a header image that is patterned you can just have something pop out a bit more to the reader. Furthermore, you could maybe even add in some names for the king, princess, and the other men who sentence the turtle to death. Of course this would make it a bit different from the original, but it would add more personality to the story overall. You have a name for Prince Justin, but nobody else. You have great narration and a good amount of quotes though. It looks really good so far though, good job!
I wanna first comment on your setup. I love the way google sites looks way more than blogger so I think you made the right decision on choosing that platform (I wish I had). The sandy background header photo is really good to set the mood. I would agree with Preston (the comment above me) in the sense that I think it would greatly increase your stories to include photographs! You did a great job with the first story and the turtle image, but the second story has a huge blank space! I can't tell if it is an accident but I wanted to bring it up in case you did not notice it yet! Since your second story is a bit shorter than the first, I would encourage adding paragraph breaks to help the flow of the story rather than just telling it in one chunk! I would also add something to the first page since that is where the reader is brought at first glance we are not exactly sure what to expect! Maybe give a brief explanation of how this is a portfolio since you use the words portfolio and storybook interchangeably I got a bit confused as to how the stories connected until I realized it was a portfolio. Along the lines of your actual writing- I loved your turtle story! The way you rewrote it in a more modern tone allowed for us to get a sense of understanding of your storytelling style! For the second story I would love to see more! The author's note was very minimal and I would love to see more of why you wanted to write about Ravana and Shurpanakha's POV!
Hey Sarah, I really liked your setup. It looks very clean and minimalistic. I would suggest you to add the link to the homepage as it would just make things easier for the reader. I would also like to point out that you "storybook" seems more of a portfolio and I did not really see anything linking the two stories. The idea of your second story seems pretty cool but you would definitely have to expand on it. Here are some suggestions- Dialogues! You can use them to draw attention and make the story dramatic. Explain some details. Why did Vidyetjiva listen to his wife so much? Was he scared for her? Add some pictures! I would love to visualize this story and adding pictures would definitely help. Maybe get something like a big table with food on it. You also really need to expand on the author's note. I am really curious why did you choose this particular story? You can explain that inn your note. You could also go ahead and talk about what you feel about the individual characters. I am really looking forward to re-read this story once its beer completed. Good luck!
Hey Sarah, I was so happy to see you updated your Story 2. I must say I really enjoyed it and I was also very happy to see the pictures you incorporated. I had a tiny concern. I am not sure if Mandodari was Videtjiva's sister, because Parvati really created Mandodari from a frog. Mandodari was Shurpanakha's sister-in-law through Ravana. Shurpanakha was Ravana's sister which would make Ravana's wife (Mandadori) her sister-in-law. However, the story flows fantastically, and rather than changing the story, I suggest you adding a little note about it in the "Author's Note." It was just something that threw me off a little bit but a tiny note would make the story flawless. If you are adding a note, it would be nice seeing how one pair of siblings married the other haha. Other than this, I found tiny mistakes in the spacing, nothing major, but I would suggest that you read through it all once again.
I really like what you did with the new story you added about the "The Innocent Turtle." I like how you kept the same story, but added more details and changed up some words to help us better understand what was actually going on in the story. I also like how the main difference in your story was how the turtle was not a trickster. He was innocent because he didn't do anything wrong, and was thrown back into the water without any harm. I think you did a great job, and cannot wait to see the last story you publish.
Hi Sarah,
ReplyDeleteYour first story looks good. One thing I can think of that might better your overall storybook would be to add a picture you found of a random kingdom in google images. While it's a random kingdom, it can still give a nice depiction of the kingdom for the viewer. That way instead of having a header image that is patterned you can just have something pop out a bit more to the reader. Furthermore, you could maybe even add in some names for the king, princess, and the other men who sentence the turtle to death. Of course this would make it a bit different from the original, but it would add more personality to the story overall. You have a name for Prince Justin, but nobody else. You have great narration and a good amount of quotes though. It looks really good so far though, good job!
Hi Sarah!
ReplyDeleteI wanna first comment on your setup. I love the way google sites looks way more than blogger so I think you made the right decision on choosing that platform (I wish I had). The sandy background header photo is really good to set the mood. I would agree with Preston (the comment above me) in the sense that I think it would greatly increase your stories to include photographs! You did a great job with the first story and the turtle image, but the second story has a huge blank space! I can't tell if it is an accident but I wanted to bring it up in case you did not notice it yet! Since your second story is a bit shorter than the first, I would encourage adding paragraph breaks to help the flow of the story rather than just telling it in one chunk! I would also add something to the first page since that is where the reader is brought at first glance we are not exactly sure what to expect! Maybe give a brief explanation of how this is a portfolio since you use the words portfolio and storybook interchangeably I got a bit confused as to how the stories connected until I realized it was a portfolio. Along the lines of your actual writing- I loved your turtle story! The way you rewrote it in a more modern tone allowed for us to get a sense of understanding of your storytelling style! For the second story I would love to see more! The author's note was very minimal and I would love to see more of why you wanted to write about Ravana and Shurpanakha's POV!
Hey Sarah,
ReplyDeleteI really liked your setup. It looks very clean and minimalistic. I would suggest you to add the link to the homepage as it would just make things easier for the reader. I would also like to point out that you "storybook" seems more of a portfolio and I did not really see anything linking the two stories. The idea of your second story seems pretty cool but you would definitely have to expand on it. Here are some suggestions-
Dialogues! You can use them to draw attention and make the story dramatic.
Explain some details. Why did Vidyetjiva listen to his wife so much? Was he scared for her?
Add some pictures! I would love to visualize this story and adding pictures would definitely help. Maybe get something like a big table with food on it.
You also really need to expand on the author's note. I am really curious why did you choose this particular story? You can explain that inn your note. You could also go ahead and talk about what you feel about the individual characters.
I am really looking forward to re-read this story once its beer completed. Good luck!
Hey Sarah, I was so happy to see you updated your Story 2. I must say I really enjoyed it and I was also very happy to see the pictures you incorporated. I had a tiny concern. I am not sure if Mandodari was Videtjiva's sister, because Parvati really created Mandodari from a frog. Mandodari was Shurpanakha's sister-in-law through Ravana. Shurpanakha was Ravana's sister which would make Ravana's wife (Mandadori) her sister-in-law. However, the story flows fantastically, and rather than changing the story, I suggest you adding a little note about it in the "Author's Note." It was just something that threw me off a little bit but a tiny note would make the story flawless. If you are adding a note, it would be nice seeing how one pair of siblings married the other haha. Other than this, I found tiny mistakes in the spacing, nothing major, but I would suggest that you read through it all once again.
ReplyDeleteHi Sarah,
ReplyDeleteI really like what you did with the new story you added about the "The Innocent Turtle." I like how you kept the same story, but added more details and changed up some words to help us better understand what was actually going on in the story. I also like how the main difference in your story was how the turtle was not a trickster. He was innocent because he didn't do anything wrong, and was thrown back into the water without any harm. I think you did a great job, and cannot wait to see the last story you publish.